The researchers talk about the reasons that your spouse might step out, some of which are avoidable. Penn’s article also gives advice from black Christian perspective, which is more complicated than the simple rule which says, “If they cheat, you’re gone.”
She says that in spite of what the experts might say about your relationship, how you address infidelity in your marriage is up to you.
One of the things to keep in mind is that a good way to have a mate who is tempted to cheat is to ignore that person’s needs for emotional and other forms of attention. Not being responsive to the needs of your mate might tempt them to have their needs fulfilled elsewhere. The researchers also say that the creation of emotional distance can cause people to be unfaithful. We would argue that being selective about your mate beforehand can benefit you tremendously. You should spend at least a couple of years observing your mate’s character in a multitude of contexts in order to determine if they have true Christian values or are just talking the talk.
There is also the little issue of technology. Facebook, Twitter, texting and everything else allows people to remain connected over long periods of time and across long distances. This can lead to outcomes that might not have occurred had the connection never been made in the first place. The experts talk about how social media can be the reason for many people to have options they might not have had before. Pastor Carl J. Mimms III, pastor of the Freedom Tabernacle of Praise Church in Indianapolis, once sued his cell phone company for releasing his phone records to his wife, who then confronted him about his cheating in front of both the church and his children. So, these situations can get messy, which is why preachers' wives now have their own reality show.
Ayvaunn Penn says the rest:
It is a harsh truth, but no one is perfect. Not only are fornicators in the pews, they are in the pulpit, too. Many wonder why that is. Well, there are 1,200 psychotherapists, counselors, coaches and other helping professionals, who believe they know the answer, and these specialists comprise Your Tango.com – the leading online organization specializing in love and relationships.
The first thing their specialists say is that sex is not the number one reason for cheating. Although it ranks second, emotional discontentment is actually the number one reason for infidelity among both the ladies and the gents. Fret not, however, because there is a solution for this relationship malady according to Dr. Susan Heitler. She explains:
“While there are many factors that can lead to an extramarital sexual encounter, emotional distance is one that couples can prevent. If there’s been distress, dissension or too much distance, take a marriage ed class to learn how to stay more comfortably connected.”